My Twin

Luke 22

I have a twin, one who looks just like me. We are very close. Sometimes, it seems, we even think the same thoughts. We are never very far apart, and have lived under the same roof all of our lives. You could say that we are inseparable.

And you might think that having a twin is a wonderful thing. After all, a twin is a special person, closer than an older or younger sibling. So, if you have a twin, I hope that it is special for you.

However, it’s not special for me. Why? Because, honestly, my twin is evil. Yes, it’s hard to admit, but I must confess that my twin is evil and as a result, I am tempted for evil as well. Hard as I try, I just can’t seem to get away from the evil of my twin. He casts a dark shadow on my life.

Actually, unless you look very closely, you might not even notice the evil in my twin. You see, he does possess some amount of self-control. So, his evil nature may get past you undetected. He’s pretty good at pretending.

But I know better. Why? Because I know his thoughts, and let me tell you, his thoughts are dark. He looks down on others, judging them as inferior. He is proud and selfish, seeking ways to convince others to serve him, and offering false friendships in return. Above all, he seeks praise and glory, and he neglects the needs of others. Idols, such as money and pleasure, are more important to him than our YHWH God. He constantly distorts the truth, always in an effort to either self-justify or to look good and win the praise of others.

I’ve tried to turn my twin to Jesus. Yes, I am a follower of Jesus, the man who was raised from the dead by our YHWH God. I am convinced that Jesus is God’s son, the Messiah that we have always been waiting for. But my twin resists Jesus, telling me that there’s no way someone as humble as Jesus could have been the Messiah. Humility, you see, is not a quality valued by my twin.

It didn’t help when I quoted scripture to my twin, such as these from Proverbs 11:

 The righteousness of the blameless keeps their ways straight, but the wicked fall by their own wickedness.

Crooked minds are an abomination to the Lord, but those of blameless ways are his delight.

My twin just ignores quotes like these, and actually, he pays little attention to scripture. I have mostly given up trying to use it to influence his thoughts. It’s no use; he seems to be beyond redemption. Over the years, I have tried pretty much everything to get my twin to reform. But nothing has worked, at least not yet.

Ok, enough of my problems. Now that I have told you about my twin, let me confess the worst part.

Yes, the worst part, which you may have already guessed, is that my twin is not a separate person. No, he is not separate from me. You see, my twin IS me; yes, he is the part of me that is evil and which I have been unable to reform by myself. All of the negative qualities that I mentioned before as are actually qualities of mine. I am the evil twin and I embody a darkness that I wish I did not have. The dark shadow lives inside of me.

But in my opinion, I am not the only person with such an evil twin. Let me cite some examples.

First, Peter. Yes, the Apostle Peter, a man who was as close to Jesus as you could get. Peter was the one, you may remember who was given the “keys to the kingdom” by Jesus himself. Peter was the one among the twelve who first confessed that Jesus was the Messiah, God’s son.

But Peter had a dark side, too. He rebuked Jesus when Jesus foretold his upcoming death, prompting Jesus to call him “Satan.” And then, after Jesus predicted that Peter would deny knowing him, this happened:

Then a female servant, seeing him in the firelight, stared at him and said, “This man also was with him.” But he denied it, saying, “Woman, I do not know him.” A little later someone else, on seeing him, said, “You also are one of them.” But Peter said, “Man, I am not!” Then about an hour later still another kept insisting, “Surely this man also was with him, for he is a Galilean.” But Peter said, “Man, I do not know what you are talking about!” At that moment, while he was still speaking, the cock crowed. The Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times.” And he went out and wept bitterly. (Luke 22)

Peter’s Denial

Rembrandt, 1660

I can relate. So many times, I, too, have wept bitterly over my evil twin. And I’m not saying that Peter was worse than anyone else. It’s just that he freely expressed his thoughts and feelings, perhaps too freely at times, and as a result, he got himself in trouble.

Lately, I have been reading some of the letters of the Apostle Paul, who has been traveling through the empire, preaching about Jesus. His letters, which circulate widely, are wonderful! And I have read some of his confessions, for example:

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree that the law is good. But in fact it is no longer I who do it but sin that dwells within me. (Romans 7)

Perhaps all of us have an “evil twin.” Is that possible? Can it be the “sin that dwells within me”? And if it does indeed dwell inside of us, what can we do? Can we cure the evil within us?

Jesus was aware. Yes, he understood our nature, both the good and the bad.

When he was in Jerusalem during the Passover festival, many believed in his name because they saw the signs that he was doing. But Jesus on his part would not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people and needed no one to testify about anyone, for he himself knew what was in everyone. (John 2)

What am I to do? I mean, I can’t just go on living like this, can I? No, the darkness can, at times, be overwhelming. I am reminded of this passage from the prophet Jeremiah:

 The heart is devious above all else; it is perverse — who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9)

Can Jesus help me?

What I have learned is that we, all of us, live with the burden of a sinful nature. It’s a very heavy burden, one that seeks to own us, to control us and drive us deeper and deeper into the darkness. Even Jesus carried a burden, though not from his own sinfulness, like Peter and me. Instead, it came from his father God, who gave him the burden of a shameful death on a cross, the death of a criminal, a death that was driven by a fierce hatred. No one was ever hated like Jesus and believe me, he felt it.

Jesus carried his burden all the way up to his death and it was removed only when our God raised him. Like me, and perhaps like you, Jesus prayed for that burden to be removed, to set him free from it. His burden, after all, was to carry not his own sinful nature, but mine. And also yours.

Was his prayer answered? No, like the prayers of Paul, and like my prayers, the prayers of Jesus were not answered. And so, he carried his burden, without complaint, I might add.

And that’s what gives me so much hope, the reality that Jesus carried my burden. I mean, even if God has not taken away my evil twin, I have been given the faith that he will. It may be today, or tomorrow, or more likely, it may be when I depart this world to find myself in the arms of Christ. Whenever it will come, I am convinced that, as Paul wrote, nothing can separate me from his love.

And one more thing: there is the light of Christ. The Apostle John put it this way:

What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overtake it. (John 1)

Amazingly, I can say that, despite my evil twin, the light of Christ still shines in me and the darkness of my evil has not dimmed it. Frankly, considering the state of my evil, it’s a miracle that God has not given up on me. But I am convinced that he hasn’t. Just like Peter. He never gave up on Peter, and Peter rose to become among the greatest of the disciples of Jesus.

So, it comes down to this: I can hide my evil, as some do, and live in a state of hypocrisy. Or I can confess my evil, as I am doing with you in this letter, and believe that eventually, I will be freed from the burden of my sin. The darkness in me will never overcome the light.

Paul also wrote this:

Therefore, to keep me from being too elated, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” So I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. (2 Corinthians 12)

Perhaps in a way, he will use me, as with Paul, as an example to others. Perhaps, as he continues to shine his light in my life, I will be able to “boast” as Paul did, letting others know that Jesus still lives, and that his grace is truly sufficient.

I pray that his grace is also sufficient for you. And finally, this passage of scripture gives me great hope. May it also give hope to you!

Thus says the Lord to you: Do not fear or be dismayed …. for the battle is not yours but God’s. This battle is not for you to fight; take your position, stand still, and see the victory of the Lord on your behalf ….  and the Lord will be with you.” (2 Chronicles 20)